We have had, you and I, our ups and downs... I went from total faith, to no faith through the Long Dark Night of the Soul of THIRTEEN YEARS.... and now Dawn is peeping up over the horizon...
It started with a nightmare, then waking up into the horrific, awful, mind-numbing reality of Earth - to be alive in this world, right here, right now - you must either be heart-broken or on drugs or dead in your heart.
Its everything... the poverty, the cruelty, the absolute evil craziness of some people having so much that they could not possibly ever, ever spend it... to a starving child in the desert with nothing... and I mean nothing.
But the wound that for me bleeds the most, and after a while you get used to it bleeding, you have to, its always there, seeping... is the reality of the animals and nature... the majestic forests being felled, the orangutans being delimbed just for being there, the barbaric attitude of the human race - currently occupying Earth as the most brutal dictators - making war on all other species...
Two months ago I didn't know how to be alive anymore with this wound... I wasn't sure I wanted to... I went back to some serious not-cool stuff because that controlled pain somehow eased this uncontrollable agony of what we are doing, as a species, to all the other inhabitants of our lovely planet.
I am a single mom - I had to somehow keep it all together and bite down these tears until my toddler was asleep, and then go sit on the bathroom floor (well in the forest in Moz I could be outside on the stardeck waiting to get beamed up - I lost that moving back to "civilisation") with my hand over my mouth so my child wouldn't hear me crying. I couldn't go back to the bottle - I am a very responsible mom - I only party when my little guy is with his dad. So how to be alive with this wound? And no, I'm not crazy - I am ALIVE with a CONSCIENCE - I am SO tired of people that tell me they love animals, but don't do anything.. .that don't feel this despair - then that is not love, that is a selfish appreciation of their beauty - to really LOVE animals means getting into all kinds of trouble, making a complete and utter nuisance of yourself, and being really unpopular with those people that do not wish to be aware that their comfortable lifestyle is causing untold AGONY and GRIEF to beings that we do not own, that can feel just as we can - WHY IS THEIR PAIN LESS VALID, and cannot write new laws for themselves or tell us it hurts like hell! So no, I am not crazy, or if that is crazy, then I am proud and crazy, instead of unfeeling and sane.
The worst was knowing that I, and none of us who care, could not give up. To do so would be to abandon the animals in hell. So we have to stay in hell with them. We are still here. But what is important and what got me through this particularly nasty little black spell lately.. that there are angels, and fellow warriors with us here ... walking with us, crying with us... trying with us... I would just be putting my head on my arms in despair... then bleep a little love would pop up on my screen at 3am from Neytiri in San Francisco, or Ingrid in Belgium or Susan in LA... too many names to list, all loved, all appreciated... and that little light keeps our own flames burning when they would flicker, and maybe go out.
And then last year August I wished on here, Universe, for help, serious major help that was needed.
I recently publicised on here, and everywhere, why I would vote IFP this year. Crikey moses. Did I get a backlash... I had obviously caused some serious offence, and threat??
But out of everyone I reached out to.... see what my latest hero, whom I am suspecting has the archetype of a Knight.... Anthony Mitchell of IFP has done for our lions, and for our animals...
What a great victory for the animals.
VIVA IFP! VIVA PRINCE BUTHELESI! VIVA ZULULAND!
Oh Anthony - thankyou! thankyou! thankyou! A big roar out from me, my activist friends, and all our wildlife in South Africa. We LOVE you and your WHOLE team.
Anyone on Twitter - positive reinforcement please @VivaIFP - and spread the word - these rockstars are also anti-trade.
Someone in DA in UK asked me TODAY why do I love the IFP? I replied simply "they rock my soul".
I tried hard to verbalise it - what can I say - every single person I have dealt with - from the Prince, and Mr Narend Singh at the top, to the furniture removal guy that I was sitting on the pavement chatting to last month... they're all really REAL people - its cool!
The DA guy today said I must really hate DA. I replied nope, I just love IFP.
You see... every single ugly racist encounter that I have had this last month - and yes there have been some recently.. has been from DA supporters. Universe, you can strike me down with lightning now if I am lying...
... still here... so you see my point world...
So ... its Friday 14 March... on the eve of the march... the world is mobilising for Earth's lions... Universe - you see - we love you and them and all the animals - we care... please, please, pretty please, keep the miracles flowing... thankyou.
Well done to everyone fighting hard for all our animals... Chris Mercer and Bev Pervan of www.cannedlion.org who have been campaigning for years, and my beloved Lion Aid in London who never fails to make me laugh when I am losing my temper, and all the new people I have met on this awesome journey.
To a top activist and warrior in KZN - Mariana Fernandes... - THANKYOU!
TOMORROW we're going to show the bullies and the sadists that they're not cool - just f-ed up and its time to stop their evil ways - because we will NEVER EVER stop, NEVER EVER back down, NEVER EVER compromise one tiny little inch, NEVER EVER stop fighting, and NEVER EVER forget to ROAR out as loud as possible for all those suffering, innocent, sacrificed, slain ones that cannot talk or ask for help....
Be blessed on your marches tomorrow - and thankyou for the incredible, incredible journey - walking together with warriors and angels - all the heartbreak, the tears, the anger, the fears, the trying, the crying, FROM ALL OF YOU, has manifested into the WHOLE WORLD mobilising tomorrow - in this massive massive plea for our wild ones, and all our non-human family.
Humbled, proud, thankful...
LOVE YOU ALL! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!
Oh and those of you that know me - know I totally suck at interviews, bless the poor souls that have tried.. so I tried to put my thoughts down at 4am this morning, excuse the quality, please note I hadn't had one second of sleep, hope it makes sense.
Lots and lots and lots of love,
UNIVERSE - I AM LOGGING OFF NOW TO PRAY FOR THE LIONS AND HOLD OUR INTENTION TO MARCH IN LOVE TOMORROW FOR YOU, FOR EARTH (WHICH SPELLS HEART) FOR THE LIONS, FOR ALL ANIMALS, AND FOR EACH OTHER. SEE YOU ON THE FLIPSIDE!